In this series, we are looking at compelling reasons to allow your child to make mistakes gracefully.
Compelling Reason #5
Control
Parents have the best of intentions when they try to control their children’s behavior, but let’s say you really want your child to learn kindness to others. The question to ask is, “What do I want my child’s motivation to be to show kindness to others?” Fear of punishment, or a deeply held internal conviction that being kind to others feels right? Using punishment, rewards, or coercion of any kind may create a child who will “behave”, but only when someone is watching.
The key here is to know where you are coming from as a parent. When parents are in a situation where the need to fulfill societal expectations is greater than how the expectations are fulfilled, a slippery slope can be created. It is natural to want our children to do things at times. Encouraging them to do so in a way that allows them the choice and internal control will create a confidence within that sets them up to know that they will always have the choice.
It is largely when children feel they do not have a choice that they will rebel or push against what we are asking, and what actually feels good to them. If the desire is to grow a child who will be able to act in one’s own best interest and that of others, she must be allowed to do it from within herself. She must be trusted that the ability already exists within her and only needs to be nurtured, rather than forced from the outside.
In what areas do you find you control your children and can you look at this from a new perspective where you can encourage your child to act in a way you know she or he already has within?
Posts at Innate Wholeness are shared with the intention of creating a shift in awareness. Please take what speaks to you and leave the rest. Thanks!