One of the first things to keep in mind while dealing with a child who is argumentative is that he or she is an equal human being – no better or worse than you. And that your child really wants to get along. Repeat that to yourself and see if you also feel the same way.
My mother told me early on that my Grandma would often ward off an argument by simply saying, “I love you too much to argue.” That works wonders when you know you have to be the “big” one and just stop because it takes two to argue.
When arguing becomes commonplace, it is because of power issues. Someone (most likely everyone) wants to be right. Someone must concede. That is hard for many parents to do because we’re the bigger ones and we’re “supposed” to be in charge… Sometimes being in charge looks like figuring out how to lead with confidence, instead of control.
Think about how you’d like the discussions to go between yourself and your child. How do you want to be talked to? Start there and be the example.
It might include something along the lines of “I appreciate being talked to respectfully.” Then continue with that in mind – your child feels the same way.
Give your child concrete ideas of how to talk with you. “If you don’t like what I’m proposing you can tell me by asking for other options.”
When we feel honored, and our children feel honored it is easier to have discussions that don’t turn into battles. Until that happens, though, you can simply be the one to stop the argument.
Posts at Innate Wholeness are shared with the intention of creating a shift in awareness. Please take what speaks to you and leave the rest. Thanks!