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Not because it’s Valentine’s Day… just because you’re You. Simply because you were born into this Earthly reality we all share and you are innately valuable.
I love the child within that comes out to play, wonder, and explore. I love your creativity and your willingness.
I love your smile as it shines from the inside out. And I am not the only one who notices, whether I know you in person or not – it is far felt.
I appreciate you in your fullness, whatever you may feel – angry, upset, sad, confused, frustrated, joyful, relaxed, easy going, hopeful, faithful, loving, or any other variation.
I love that you are dedicated to parenting in a way that honors you and your child, from the inside out. That you love enough to keep going, start over, try again, seek resources, and appreciate whatever possible when moments are tough and your commitment to make the most of the present.
I appreciate you and I thank you for continuing to subscribe to this email list, even though I haven’t sent a note in quite a while!
I have been ‘within’ enjoying family and adjusting to lovely changes. In November the children and I moved to southern Missouri with my partner, Michael. I have been joyfully practicing Parent Talk and will be offering classes very soon (look towards the end of next week for a special sign up just for subscribers). To add to the excitement I am expecting a fourth child in September! I have been spending a fair amount of time resting and reflecting… now I’m back. I trust Life is providing you ample opportunities for reflection also. I look forward to connecting with you again soon!
Much Love,
Amy
A few days ago I joined three close friends, who are also mothers, in a healing session. What came to me was a profound reminder of taking time to simply sit down and take care of ourselves. Different than in the standard ways, yet complimentary.
Enjoy…
In the beginning as I set the intention to receive I felt guided to flow a light of forgiveness session for all of us.
An initial insight was about taking moments to center, ground, focus, heal in the midst of our lives… a visual of sitting in the center of the room, hands in peaceful prayer position, eyes closed with family coming to value these moments we go within…much like physical nourishment, this being nourishment for the soul and us taking the time to do it whenever we’re “hungry.”
Truly we are the example and the more we do this whenever we feel moved in whatever context we are in the more we give them permission to do the same, instead of worry about what others are thinking of us… tuning in, tuning in, tuning in…
Take whatever moments you need today to simply tune into you for the harmony of the entire family
Have you ever found yourself feeling like your child’s behavior is simply unacceptable? Maybe it’s hitting, whining, yelling, or something else that really gets under your skin…
How do we develop the idea and feeling of ‘unacceptable’? Definitely the culture of origin, our upbringing, moral values or religious beliefs – and maybe just a feeling that what we’re experiencing isn’t quite right.
Unacceptable breeds a feeling of “NO!” It may accompany thoughts like… “I hate, I can’t stand, There is no way this can continue, I do not like, or I am not having this…”
In terms of energy it is a form of resistance to what we cannot accept internally in the moment we are resisting. Is this bad? No. It simply is what it is. Staying in the feeling of non-acceptance continues the resistance and leads to feeling stress, sadness, anger, angst, or frustration. If we focus on what we will not accept we keep it present in our experience (including behavior we find grating or undesirable).
Whatever the case, when we feel like a behavior is unacceptable we can take steps to alleviate the feelings we have and direct our attention towards what we want to have happen with our children. We can learn to accept the fact that our child is behaving (being a certain way in a given moment in time) and that the way she is being is not an indicator of how she’ll be all day, just how she’s being in this moment.
The key to turning the feeling of unacceptable into one of internal acceptance and positive action is much like turning the key to the door of our home when what we want most is to be in the comfort of our surroundings. You know the feeling… you’ve been gone for a while and there’s an edge to your being that you know will be soothed once your body is inside the door. You have the same key to your peace. It starts with turning the key.
Turn the key from “This is unacceptable” to “This is what is happening now and for that reason and that reason alone I will accept that it is happening. Ahhh, that brings a feeling of relief even though I want to change what is happening.”
Then turn the key a bit farther as you ease into the feeling of relief coupled with knowing you are taking action to influence what you want to have happen. When we focus on the desired behavior we release the resistance created with “XYZ behavior is unacceptable!” While a statement like that does give information it also keeps the focus on what we don’t want! You can turn the key more and feel the truth of a statement that softens the situation like, “We don’t hit in our family because it hurts and drives people apart.”
Keep turning… what feels acceptable? Is it acceptable for your child to talk about how he feels and what he wants to have happen when he’s upset enough to hit? Is it acceptable for your child to speak up and ask for what he wants in a regular voice? Is it acceptable for your child to speak in a lower voice? Focus your energy there as you turn the key towards information that allows your child and you the space to create a new way of communicating about “the unacceptable.”
Walk in the door. You’re there, it’s your house, and it’s all good. Just choose to turn the key so you can enter … and accept.
I woke up around 2 am feeling like something needed to be written. Our family has been experiencing some changes lately and writing has not been at the top of my list so this was a welcome surprise.
I came to the task of parenting seeing it as a privilege, but still a task. Through many ups and downs (like we all experience to one degree or another) I decided that parenting in peace was something I’d die for. Meaning that the me I thought I was would die. Not me – the physical expression and body known as Amy – but all of the stories and patterns and actions that were not serving me or my family. Such a death does not occur instantly or without pain in many instances (at least in my experience the process is still unfolding!) And it certainly requires a focus on what one is living and standing For. Of course I protect my children and I’ve stood in front of them to defend them from physical attack more than once, but I live consciously knowing that I now create a life experience where such a threat is not part of our lives.
We can choose peace. In any moment, in all moments… over and over again until there’s nothing left but peace. It starts with us, on the personal level. Join me in the journey…
Much love to you and yours,
Amy
Pain can come in various forms. With an infant it may begin with the squeeze through the birth canal and the separation from the homey environment of the womb. Many people could relate one experience on top of another after those first perceptions of discomfort as a person enters the realm of humanity. Falling down as one learns to walk, skinned knees, the emotional pain of separating from parents or sibling rivalry…
You know if you are running when your mind starts to scatter in several directions or one straight into making someone at fault. A large sense of “this is wrong” may begin to swell within you. Your body may tense, you may join your child in his or her pain, or you may literally find yourself backing away, cringing inside at the pain your child is experiencing.
Pain that is faced and embraced will transform back into the light that it truly is. Pain is simply an in the moment energetic expression of disconnection from innate well being. I know it doesn’t feel simple, but as you allow yourself to feel the simple truth of emotions being a signal, rather than something to avoid, you will begin to experience them for the neutral gift they really are. Neither right nor wrong, emotions – including pain – simply are. They exist, like everything else and when pushed against the energy stays stuck/stagnant, instead of being allowed to flow.
At the core of each being – you and your child included – is the energy of light and love. Not in some airy fairy sense, but in reality. We are energy. We are expressions of the One Source. Who we think we are is part of the experience, but underneath all of who we have come to know we are is pure light energy. When that is denied or questioned (as often happens when pain is experienced) the “result” is more disconnection and pain.
Imagine yourself standing in front of your child who is in pain (sadness, crying, anger, lashing out, some expression of what we perceive as negative emotion). Feel into your own body and energy with your breath. Before you act and try to fade or fix the child or situation, breathe. Deeply into your body. Feel your breath come in and out several times and notice any tension you feel.
The pain we witness in our children will often ignite past pain we have. There may be an experience or story attached or it may seem illogical for us to feel upset. Choose to accept that you are feeling what you are feeling and that you can be with the feeling, whether it is within you or your child.
Know that it is not your job to change the circumstances to make your child feel better. If danger is imminent, by all means do what you have to do of course! However, notice when you are moving swiftly to protect in a way that doesn’t allow the feeling of emotions or acceptance of what is for you or your child.
For example, I recently found a family day care for my children while I work. It is a part time situation and the woman caring for my children is wonderful – someone I consider a friend even though we’ve recently become acquainted. As a single mother, I have been asking for this type of a care arrangement for a while…
On the first day my youngest who is 3 did not want to stay. My middle child was also apprehensive. We worked through it as I stayed for a couple of hours so they could become comfortable. When I received a call later in the day that my youngest had an experience of strong anger when a situation around pottying came up I felt some very strong feelings and stories come up within me.
“Is she okay? Is the child she *bit* okay? Is the care provider okay? Is this even the right situation? I’m not sure if I can deal with this!”
It felt a lot like transition towards the end of birth where the cervix opens so widely and the baby is about to emerge that the mother questions everything she has ever known.
For a while I have been aware of the fact that trusting my children in another’s care is something I must walk through on a personal level of growth. Little by little I did so… with family, friends, and in seeking a provider to care for them during work hours. It’s all about trust for me. Trust that Life gives us all what we need and that we are guided, guarded, and protected… through living consciously.
In facing the emotions, my good friend Christine reminded me that this was all coming up for me to be with. I could make changes if necessary from the place of facing them – not running from them. The peace that descended upon me during that conversation and after as I embraced the pain welling up was great… and lasting.
Whatever the situation, know that pain is simply a signal saying… “Be with me” much like a little child. Look into its eyes, sit with it, and know that you do not have to fade it or fix it… just love it and it will transform back into the light and love that it presently forgot that it is…
Changing the way you parent can bring up the challenge of how to deal with past pain and patterns that are well established and difficult to “break” as you navigate new experiences.
Gives support to the mindset you are developing through strengthening the awareness of your innate gifts.
Copyright 2009 Amy Christine Bush & Christine Gulrajani | Innate Parenting
I will admit that I don’t particularly want to be called ’stupid.’ It’s happened and I have certainly done some very stupid things in my life and chances are that won’t stop completely, even if I don’t view them as stupid.
So when my youngest child started calling not only me, but pretty much everything stupid when she got angry I had to do a bit of a check in. Where is the word exposure coming from? Do I feel stupid? What does the word stupid really mean – to me and to her?
It was obvious that it was a verbal expression of anger or unrest. She said it when she got upset. I know from experience that any inner resistance I put up is not going to help so I acknowledged that I didn’t like what she was saying while I pondered creative ways to get her to say something else…
Can you tell me how you are feeling? Are you feeling angry? Can you please say that you are feeling angry instead of the word ’stupid’?
Oops! Put the focus back on stupid – that doesn’t help very much.
Then I decided to just let it go, understanding that she would work through it and in not giving it energy the name calling would dissipate faster.
And I noticed something very interesting.
She has a process and when I do not interfere in that process through fully accepting her, as well as my own feelings, in the moment something magical happens.
“You are stupid, stupid, stupid.” I accept where she’s at internally with no words or actions.
“You are okay. You are nice. I love you.”
What a shift! That is called ‘walking up the emotional scale’ by Esther and Jerry Hicks, who wrote the book The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide. A person feels bad and reaches for relief. In acknowledging the negative emotion and not pushing against it my daughter is able to walk up the scale with no help from me – naturally.
Our children have their own process and we need to figure out our own process to give them permission on an energetic level to actually honor their process. It is very circular and may seem kind of funny, but we really are their guides – in every sense, whether we are talking, acting or just being.
How can you honor and refine your own process so you do not interfere with your child’s?
Much Love,
Amy
Copyright 2009 Amy Christine Bush & Christine Gulrajani | Innate Parenting
Today has been a day to follow the winds – literally. I woke up with the intention of living the truth of a song my good friend, Michelle, brought to my attention… (I invite you to play it as you read the rest of the post ).
With the song playing on the kitchen boom box, I woke up my two older children in preparation for school. I proceeded to hold a loving space for my oldest daughter who wasn’t exactly perky upon rising. ) I hugged them all, listened to the song, and made our way to the public Montessori they attend.
My son was having a bit of a time adjusting to the kindergarten classroom this morning so my youngest and I stayed to provide some more love – just by being there. I looked around and appreciated every child and teacher, knowing everyone was doing their best. Within an hour it was clear that my son was okay so we moseyed on to do some errands.
The idea to visit the park came to my mind so I asked Azalea if she wanted to go. She answered with a resounding, “Yes!” But we still had errands to run so we enjoyed just being together in the car, noticing what we noticed, and talking about this and that.
The person we were running errands for was particularly funny today. When we dropped off the first (even though I thought it was the *only*) set of items, he asked us to just run “one more errand.” We were feeling good so we continued on with a smile. Then when we returned the second set, he asked us to make one more stop. Laughing, I asked if he thought we wouldn’t run all of the errands had he asked for them all at once! No… he just didn’t remember everything at once. ) And this is true of him so it’s actually funny that *I* asked him the question in the first place.
We pleasantly rolled down the windows as we headed to the park. Upon entering it was fun to hear Azalea laugh and say, “Ohhh… the park, I like this park.” It had been a few weeks since we visited this vast park with a wooden playground, pond, and plenty of grass to run around in.
One of the first play things AZ gravitated towards was a rope grid that one can climb up or down and see the ground underneath while doing so. As she climbed down holding onto the railing for support she said over and over very confidently, “I can.” The simplicity of the words I had started our morning with were coming out of her mouth, and it wasn’t the first time.
AZ often tells herself “I can.” We haven’t read the book about the train and although I’d like to say there’s something special and specific I’ve done to help her feel so confident I can only say that I allow her to explore her abilities and I believe in her wholeheartedly. The rest really lies within her and her choice to trust that she can and when she doubts that to remind herself…
It brought me to think about adults and how we meet challenge. When we can see the ground beneath us, waiting for us to drop, how do we meet that challenge?
Do we think “It’s too scary – I can’t?”
Or do we plunge or move carefully ahead thinking “I can?”
I do believe the simplicity of a 2 year old’s words and an old song can help us here…
Much Love,
Amy
Clarity.
Intention.
Trust.
It’s that simple.
Questions? Start with clarity…
This post is as much for me, as it is for you.
Parenting is one of those experiences in life that allows someone the opportunity to really grow. On the inside, outside, and everything in between.
The past 9+ years have been quite the journey for me and I currently find myself feeling like it is time for me to hibernate a bit with my kids and with myself as a mom.
In that sense, Christine is coming back on to assist with coaching, RT calls, and ideas! Our roles have shifted a bit and while Christine took some time to herself and her family, she is now ready to offer some wisdom that parents will definitely benefit from. My focus will be mostly on energy healing to help people move through blocks and anchor into their own strength and Christine and I will collaborate on RT for Parents, Metamorphosis Moments, and private coaching.
On a side note, in July I will be completing a fantastic training with parenting experts Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller of www.uncommonparenting.com. They created the Parent Talk System Facilitator Training for parents just like us ) – those who respect children as equals and want to treat them as such – in all moments. Earlier this year I went to a 2 hour talk with Thomas and left fully refreshed! I look forward to offering more classes and workshops based on the Parent Talk work and my own experience this coming fall.
For now, as I tend to my maternal instinct that says “go internal” and focus on the needs of myself and my family, I welcome you to also look at how you can benefit from hibernation – an intense focus on what does work for you and yours with an emphasis on making it your moment to moment experience.
Much Love,
Amy