Innate Wholeness

I’ve received word that some people are receiving multiple copies of the posts!

I believe the newsletter configuration is now set correctly so you will only receive one copy (unless you are subscribed with more than one different email address). If you get too many emails, please let me know!

Also, I talked with Tanna Corona this evening about parenting challenges, responding to intense life experiences, and questioning our own misery. Have a listen, share your experience in the comments below, and check out Peace 4 Parents if you would like further support.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/realriches/2011/04/26/real-riches-with-tanna-corona

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One of the ways I have grown as a parent is through considering various view points from caring parents. Recently, some mommas from the Natural Parents Network team submitted favorite posts to share with readers. I joined in and offer you multiple views from many mommas. They range from miscarriage to maintaining balance to boredom busting – and quite a bit in between. Enjoy!

Joella – Fine and Fair – An Unusual Gripe with Bebe Gloton

Amy at Innate Wholeness offers simple tips to be present with family whether you’re having fun and want to soak it up like a sponge or would rather run and hide in a cave. (If you didn’t read it before, you might enjoy it now.)

Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares sound bites from her miscarriage journey of forgiveness and gratitude.

Shannon H – Pineapples and Artichokes – Let’s Talk About Diversity – Shannon writes about how she is trying to raise her daughter to be accepting of everyone.

Jennifer – Hybrid Rasta Mama – Don’t Say No To Me discusses the overuse of the word “no” and offers some aid in finding creative ways to avoid “no.” (Watch for an upcoming article from me on teaching children how to accept no gracefully).

Melissa – The New Mommy Files: Memories, Milestones and Missteps – The Case for Instinctual Mothering

Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro shares a comprehensive list of all the food she keeps on hand.

Suchada – Mama Eve – Sleep, Crying, and Balancing Closeness with Boundaries

Shannon R – The ArtsyMama – Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before Little Man

Kristin – Intrepid Murmurings – Babywearing Twins: Tips and Tricks for Babywearing Two

Julia at A Little Bit of All of It tells the story of how motherhood came to her and how a miscarriage shaped her feelings and perceptions surrounding the birth of her first daughter.

Emily – Embrita Blogging – 10 Things That Make Me Happy

Lauren – Hobo Mama – Postpartum sex vs. sex before kids

As part of an ongoing series about balance, Amy at Anktangle writes about a daily ritual she has adopted to help her maintain balance in her life.

Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife is reminded that while the days may sometimes be long, the years are short, and after a rough day the best thing to do is give thanks for the best parts and try again tomorrow.

Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers 7 Alternatives to Good Job: “Good job’ing” kids can be a mindless habit to fall into. Instead of using a generic “good job,” try one of these ideas to really connect with and nurture your child.

Darcel @ The Mahogany Way has the ultimate boredom busting activity for children of all ages.

Alicia at Lactation Narration discusses the long journey of child-led weaning, during which she thought several times that her child was weaned before she really was.

Mandy @ Living Peacefully With Children: Letting go of the illusion of control opens up a an entirely new world.

Luschka @ Diary of a First Child talks about the battle between breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers and the industry that stokes the flames of a war on mothers.

Mary Michael @ The Accidental Natural Mama recounts her journey to Mama-hood.

Momma Jorje shares some good news and important information about Lindane and Lice.

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Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy

This post was written for the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. Read to the end to find the submissions of other carnival participants.

***

There is a reason my bio describes me as “gentle, yet direct”. Maybe it’s the fact that I was born under the sign of Gemini and maybe it’s because of the passion that burns within me to help parents liberate themselves from parenting ways that just don’t work for them – so they can make the most of the time they have with their kids. Either way, I walk the line of compassionately advocating for healthy, gentle parenting choices by offering the truth.

Who am I to offer “the truth”? Allow me to explain how I offer it.

I offer the raw truth of the my story, the truth of what is possible for parents who are willing to explore in great depth their own psyche and motivations, the truth of what I hear they don’t want in their parenting experience, a clear reflection of what they do want and how they can bring that about.

I offer the truth of my present moment interaction with the parent, what I am hearing-sensing-feeling, what can transpire if one suspends limitation for a moment, and possible practices that may assist in achieving ultimate parenting goals.

I offer the truth that all of the ideas we think are “the truth” are just ideas. We must make determinations for ourselves about what ideas we hold true because ideas are what become our words, then actions. If we are experiencing suffering of some sort we get to be responsible for finding our way out of it, asking for help when we need it.

I used to feel like parents “should” do it this way or that way, for the baby, for the parent, for the environment, for the planet. Now, I release judgment to meet the parent in the moment with love.  It looks like this.

Accept. I accept each parent as a magnificent being who I am privileged to be interacting with. If this is a struggle at any point I choose to notice judgmental thoughts and focus on appreciating this person for who they are right now. Whether the person engages in “natural parenting” practices or not is irrelevant. I acknowledge the person as unique and valuable. I look for ways to see the truth that this parent is more like me than different. I believe we both want the best for our children and to enjoy the parenting experience.

Listen. I listen on the inside first. Focusing my attention on the rhythm of my breath, the space inside of my body, noticing any thoughts or reactions I am having, I become present in the moment with myself and the other parent. I notice any judgments that arise and see them as that – human judgments – not fact or fiction, per se. Just judgments. Then I can fully listen to the other parent.

Maybe we’re just having a casual conversation or maybe we’re watching our kids play. If something comes up that needs attention I listen deeper. I find it amusing to watch the thoughts that may come up in response to certain situations or topics of interest. It is fascinating how the mind makes connections from this to that, all for the purpose of coming to a conclusion or judgment. Watch your mind for a while – it’s a trip.

Honor. If I need to attend to my child I will do so in the way that works for me and honors the others in our presence. It’s taken some practice to be able to do this. A large part of the parenting journey is about working through other people’s judgments, which often reflect inner judgment we’re holding onto without realizing it. Of course, once we realize it we can let it go or transform it into a strength.

I encourage parents to honor themselves and their children in the ways that work for them and to make changes as necessary. Once we approve of ourselves we realize the need to change another, have someone agree with us or impose our ideas on another literally melts away. We may also experience a synchronicity in our interactions where the people we are around have similar values or can benefit from what we have to offer.

Offer. Sometimes a helpful idea pops up and I offer it as an option. Maybe a parent is struggling with a certain aspect of life or a child’s behavior. I tune into what they are looking for – sympathy, a space to vent or a solution. I offer space and solutions that communicate the parent is exactly where they need to be, they have the guidance inside to navigate life and that they are finding their way to the parenting experience they desire.

I offer this because I feel it is the truth.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Enjoy the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
• You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
• From the Heart — Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
• I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
• Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
• Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don’t share your views.
• Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
• Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
• Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
• A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don’t parent the way you do.
• Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
• Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
• Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
• Compassionate Advocacy . . . That’s The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she’s learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the “good news” of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
• Compelling without repelling — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
• I Am the Change — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
• Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
• I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
• Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
• Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people’s children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter’s senior kindergarten room.
• Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the “great divide” through gently teaching and being teachable.
• Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
• The Three R’s of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how “The Three R’s” can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
• Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
• Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
• What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.
• Baby Sling Carriers Make Great Compassionate Advocacy Tools — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shared her babywearing knowledge — and her sling — with a new mom.
• Everyday Superheroes — Who needs Superman when we have a community of compassionate advocates?! Dionna at Code Name: Mama believes that our community of gentle bloggers are the true superheroes.
• Words of advice: compassionately advocating for my parenting choices — MrsH at Fleeting Moments waits to give advice until she’s been asked, resulting in fewer advocacy moments but very high responsiveness from parents all over the spectrum of parenting approaches.
• Peaceful Parenting — Peaceful parenting shows at Living Peacefully with Children with an atypical comment from a stranger.
• Speaking for birth — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud soul-searches about how she can advocate for natural birth without causing offense.
• Gentle is as Gentle Does — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how she is gently advocating her parenting style.
• Walking on Air — Rachael at The Variegated Life wants you to know that she has no idea what she’s doing — and it’s a gift.
• Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her thoughts on being a compassionate advocate of natural parenting as a blogger.
• At Peace With the World — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry talks about being an advocate for peaceful parenting at 10,000 feet.
• Putting a public face on “holistic” — Being public about her convictions is a must for Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama, but it takes some delicacy.
• Just Be; Just Do. — Amy at Anktangle believes strongly about her parenting methods, and also that the way to get people to take notice is to simply live her life and parent the best she knows how.
• One Parent at a Time… — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that advocating for Natural Parenting is best accomplished by walking the walk.
• Self-compassion — We’re great at caring for and supporting others —from our kiddos to other mamas — but Lisa at Gems of Delight shares a post about treating ourselves with that same sense of compassion.
• Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how she uses Montessori principles to be a compassionate advocate for natural parenting.
• Advocacy? Me? — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers that by “just doing her thing,” she may be advocating for natural parenting.
• Feeding by Example — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip shares her experience of being the first one of her generation to parent.
• Compassionate Consumerism — Erica at ChildOrganics encourages her children to be compassionate consumers and discusses the benefits of buying local and fair trade products.
• The Importance of Advocating Compassionately — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood acts as a compassionate advocate by sharing information with many in the hopes of reaching a few.
• Some Thoughts on Gentle Discipline — Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her thoughts and some tips on Gentle Discipline.
• Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle shares how her passion for making natural choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting have supported others in Dominica and beyond.
• A journey to compassion and connection — Jessica at Instead of Institutions shares her journey from know-it-all to authentic advocacy.
• Advocacy Through Openness, Respect, and Understanding — Melissa at The New Mommy Files describes her view on belief, and how it has shaped the way she advocates for gentle parenting choices.
• Why I’m not an advocate for Natural Parenting — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog delivers the shocking news that, after 10 years of being a mum, she is NOT an advocate for natural parenting!
• Natural Love Creates Natural Happiness — A picture is worth a thousand words, but how about a smile, or a giggle, or a gaze? Jessica at Cloth Diapering Mama’s kids are extremely social and their natural happiness is very obvious.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy — Even in the progressive SF Bay Area, Lily at Witch Mom finds she must defend some of her parenting choices.
• A Tale of Four Milky Mamas — In this post The ArtsyMama shares how she has found ways to repay her childhood friend for the gift of milk.
• Don’t tell me what to do — Pecky at benny and bex demonstrates compassionate advocacy through leading by example.

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Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists

This post was written for the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. Read to the end to find submissions of other carnival participants.

***

I was going to title this “Top Ten Ways to Enjoy Family” but there are moments when we may not initially enjoy family life.  Being present with whatever comes up is part of life, too.  When we’re able to do that, we make space for joy that is free from hindering expectations.

There are a myriad of ways to be present with loved ones.  Do feel free to share your experiences below.

1. Breathe. On purpose, feeling the inhale and exhale… again… and again.  Keep it up.  Focus every ounce of your attention on your breath.  Notice what happens on the inside when you choose to pay attention to your breath.  It opens you to being right here and now with your family.
2. Listen. On the inside first.  As you feel into your breath, what thoughts are going on inside about your loved ones?  Can you feel the space inside of yourself that differentiates from the story going on in your head.  Nothing wrong with stories.  Just notice the slight difference between the spacious nothingness on the inside and the words.  How does this type of listening affect your relationships?
3. Listen to each other. Through breathing and listening on the inside, you can really open to hear another person.  The ability to listen non-judgmentally (you can see your judgments as judgments instead of as fact) is cultivated with practice listening to ourselves and the other.  Putting aside one’s thoughts or letting them pass through instead of attaching to them and thinking one must be right or speak something next allows us to hear what needs to be heard.  How many problems can be solved through simply hearing what another is saying?
4. Feel. Deeply.  Embrace emotion as a colorful rainbow of inner guidance.  If your child is screaming or angrily responding, listen inside first.  Let yourself feel without immediately taking verbal or physical action – unless you must do so for safety reasons.
5. Accept. On the inside.  All of this inside work – who knew?  People are where they are.  We are where we are.  What is, is.  Exercise compassion for yourself and your loved ones.  This may or may not equate to action.  It may equate to silence.  Or a smile and a hug.  Just see what happens when you choose to accept the person as is.  Breathe…
6. Appreciate. Even in times of complete strife, there is something to appreciate.  When life hits misery, appreciation can save a soul.  When life is lovely, appreciation glorifies the experience.  Make written lists and post them or send as a note.  Share appreciation with your children, partner, parents and others.  It is contagious in a very good way.
7. Honor yourself. We can get so caught up in thinking we need to be a certain way.  You could read the 6 steps above and put them on your “To-Be” (instead of To-Do) list.  Notice when you are putting others first in a way that causes resentment and then explore the resentment.  It is possible that it has seeds in some thoughts that are dishonoring to you also.  Respect yourself and set appropriate boundaries for where you are now.
8. Be willing to change. Open to possibilities, release the need to understand or know it all (you too, Mom).  Let Life shape you.  Let your family members rub you raw to the point where you are so open that you realize it isn’t really about them.  It’s about you opening to be you, without all of the barriers and blocks.  This isn’t to let someone stomp on you or to add another to your To-Be list, it’s to consider having the willingness to let go of the old and embrace the unknown of the new.
9. Look long, bring short. Look at your long term goals for your family relationships and explore whether your short term actions are producing those results.  If so, enjoy the process of growth.  If not, continue exploring options for achieving the little steps towards what you want for your family.
10. Love, now. Being present is all there is, right?  This is true.  We only have now.  And sometimes we might think now isn’t so great.  Embrace it anyway.  Look deeply into the eyes of another, feel your heart and choose love.  Over and over until practice becomes habit.

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please consider reading the submissions by the other carnival participants…

• Attachment Parenting in the NICU — Erica at ChildOrganics shares some strategies to help you parent naturally in some unnatural circumstances.
• 10 Reasons to Choose Baby Led Weaning — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares ten reasons to choose Baby Led Weaning when it comes to solids.
• Choosing to Breastfeed — From selfishness to self-giving, CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy lists reasons why breast is best for her and her family.
• Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Before Little Man — In this reflective post, The ArstyMama discusses ten things she wishes she knew more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.
• 10 Things That Helped Me Become a Natural Mama — The Accidental Natural Mama counts down ten things that helped her find her moderately crunchy inner mama self.
• Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler — Extended breast-feeder Kate Wicker of Momopoly makes her own top 10 list for why she loves nursing her 2-year-old.
• Top 10 Tips on Authentic Grandparenting — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting offers a list of tips to make the grandparent-parent-child relationship flow smoothly.
• Top Ten “Dad” Things — Liam at In The Now talks about his favourite ways to spend time with his children.
• Top 10 Natural Strategies for Conception (aka How to Get Pregnant!) — Despite facing plenty of health issues, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama found her way to two first-try pregnancies thanks to these natural strategies.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Home Birth Rocks — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares her passion for birthing at home – the natural place for natural birth.
• Top 10 reasons why cloth nappies are fun — Tat at Cloth Nappies Are Fun shows how using cloth nappies can brighten up your day.
• Top Ten Ways to Be Present With Family — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares how to make the most of parenting and family life through being present.
• Top 10 Things In My Arsenal of Kitchen Witchy Mama Tricks. — Joni Rae at Tales of A Kitchen Witch shares with us the simple things she would never want to be missing from her cupboards.
• Top 10 ways I’m not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway) — Jenny at Babyfingers shares the ways she is imperfect as a natural parent, and why she embraces natural parenting anyway.
• Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent — So what makes us “natural parents,” anyway? A lighthearted look at the Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent by the editors and readers of Natural Parents Network.
• The Top 10 Things Every Natural Household (with children) Should Have — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro shares a list of the most common natural products and remedies she uses for health and cleaning.
• Top 10 books for raising loving, spiritual children — In her ‘food for the soul’ post, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her favourite spiritual books. No matter what religion you practise, there’s something for everyone!
• Top 10 Things No One Told Me About Natural Parenting — Adrienne at Mommying My Way explains that the best things about natural parenting are things she never expected.
• Top 10 Flower Essences for Families — Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings lists her pick of the top ten flower essence which can help ease families through the ups and downs of life.
• My Top Ten Parenting Tools — Amyables at Toddler In Tow names the top ten tools that have been helpful to her while learning to parent respectfully and successfully.
• Ten Ways Families Can Enjoy Nature (for free!) — Spring is nearly in the air, and Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction is dreaming of the fun and frugal ways that her family is going to get out and enjoy nature this summer.
• 10 Reasons We Unschool — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains why unschooling is the right choice for her family.
• Must Read: Natural Parenting Top Ten — Amy at Anktangle wants you to do a little reading! She shares her top ten favorite books to help parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
• Top 10 Breastfeeding Misconceptions — Sheila at A Gift Universe examines ten reasons women give for why they didn’t breastfeed as long as they wanted, and shows how these obstacles can be overcome.
• Ten Reasons to Plan a Home Birth — Since a home birth can be an incredibly empowering experience, Leslie at Lights and Letters outlines ten reasons why you should plan to have your baby at home.
• Top Ten Books for Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting — Megan at Just Me(gan) writes about the ten books that have helped her the most in her natural parenting journey.
• A Top Ten Letter To Me… — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes herself a letter of reflections and bits of wisdom she would have liked to know as a new mama.
• Top Ten Mama Necessities Money Can’t Buy — Buying baby gear is fun, but Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama knows real parenting must-haves can’t be bought in stores (or even on Amazon).
• Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine talks about her Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum.
• Ten Great Spring Activities To Do With Preschoolers — Kellie at Our Mindful Life and her family have come up with a great list of activities to do together this spring.
• 10 Ways to Reuse Yogurt Containers — Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes keeps the stacks of yogurt containers out of her recycling bin by reusing them in both practical and creative ways.
• Top Ten Ways To Have a Harmonious Home — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her natural parenting-inspired methods for maintaining a harmonious daily life with her toddler.
• 10 Natural Baby Items I Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares product ideas to support your natural parenting.
• The Pandas’ Top Five Crunch-osophies — Top five crunchy philosophies, as employed at the Panda Residence by Ana at Pandamoly.
• Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Son Intact — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children has shared 10 reasons why you should leave your newborn son intact.
• Ten things everyone should know about unassisted homebirth — Olivia at Write About Birth shares practical tips for women considering an unassisted homebirth and debunks some common myths
• 10 Most Popular Ways To Treat Cloth Diaper Stains — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey gives ten easy tips to make your diapers like new.
• 10 Lessons in 1 Year — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares 10 parenting lessons that she has learned throughout her first year of motherhood.
• Top 10 Ways to Get Breastfeeding Off To a Good Start — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares 10 effective ways to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start.
• Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out — If you are uncomfortable using time-outs in an attempt to control your child’s behavior, try one of these gentler alternatives. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out.
• My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures — Dulce de leche is learning to integrate faith and parenting. Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting her children, or gentle discipline, she finds that the Bible has beautiful passages to encourage her on her journey.
• Natural Cleaning Ideas – Top 10 — Laura at Laura’s Blog lists the ways she keeps her house clean and clear of chemicals.
• My Top Ten (plus two) Life Altering and Growth Inspiring Books — A top ten list of books from MJ at Wander Wonder Discover that changed her life as an individual, a parent, and an earth dweller.
• Top 10 Ways to Use Natural Parenting for Children with Special Needs — Danielle at Mommy Makes Cents feeds the needs of her family and special needs child through the use of Natural Parenting.
• Ten Fundamentals — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante gets philosophical with a list of the fundamentals that drive her natural parenting.
• 10 reasons why I chose breast over bottles — Becky at Old New Legacy writes a quick list of why she chose breast over bottles.
• Top Ten Natural Tools for the Work of Play — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree offers insight into 10 natural toys that will span the early years (and save you money).
• 10 differences between pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry gives her impressions about differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US.
• Natural Parenting Benny & Bex Style — Pecky at Benny and Bex explains why Natural Parenting principles work best for her boys.
• Top 10 Reasons to Co-Sleep — 10 practical, emotional, and completely selfish reasons to co-sleep and share a family bed from Lily, aka Witch Mom.
• My Top Ten New Mommy Moments — Melissa at The New Mommy Files recounts the ten most memorable moments of her daughter’s first year.
• Top Ten Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Needs to Know — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood believes knowledge is power and wants all moms to be well informed.
• Top 10 Nursing Positions / Situations — Momma Jorje uses her 5½ years of nursing experience to share her Top 10 Nursing Positions/Situations. She includes some adorable photos of her youngest daughter at the breast.
• Ten Top Ways to Connect Kids with Nature — Terri from Child at the Nature Isle offers 10 ways to immerse ourselves in the natural world and develop a love affair with the Earth.
• Top 10 Slacker Ways to Natural Parent — Guavalicious is happy to show you how to parent naturally the slacker way.
• Simply what it looks like — Andrea!!! from Ella-Bean & Co. offers a glimpse into natural parenting through the eyes of mama and babe.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Natural Parenting Dads Are So Attractive — Nada at miniMOMist sure digs her husband, but it’s not just his good looks — it’s his parenting!
• 10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us — See what routines, organizational systems, and parenting approaches work for Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings to help avoid conflict and maintain sanity in a family with three young children.
• Top 10 reasons to choose midwifery care — Lauren at Hobo Mama lists the features that drew her to midwives’ care for pregnancy and birth.
• 10 Ways to Cloth Diaper on a Budget — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her best thrifty cloth diapering tips.
• Ten Reasons it Felt Sew Good To Make My Own Play Food — Brittany at Mama’s Felt Cafe lists her 10 (OK, 11) favorite reasons to grab a needle and start sewing your own felt play toys.
• Top10 Ways to Spark Interest, Learn, and Have Fun With Everyday Tasks! — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon gives you her top 10 ways of incorporating fun and lessons into everyday tasks and chores.
• Postpartum Gift Ideas — Alicia at I Found My Feet suggests a top 10 list of gifts for mother’s after giving birth.
• My Top Ten Shows Worthy Of Screen Time — Tree at Mom Grooves shares her top ten list of shows that she believes are positive, educational, kind, joyful, and a nice way to share some downtime with your children.
• The Top 10 Ways to Succeed as an Working Attachment Parent — That Mama Gretchen shares tried and true ways to succeed with attachment parenting even when working away from home during the day.
• Top Ten Books for Natural Parenting — Pregnancy, herbs, cooking, and healthcare the ten books Asha at Meta Mom the most.
• Preparing for a Hospital VBAC: My Top 10 — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis shares 10 ways she’s preparing for her upcoming hospital VBAC.
• Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools — Wolfmother shares her most beloved motherhood survival tools at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives her top 10 list of Montessori principles parents can use to encourage their children s natural learning.
• Going Granola — Tashmica from The Mother Flippin’ Blog describes the 10 ways that natural parenting sneaked up on her. She never expected to go all granola on the world.
• Step Away From the Amazon List — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wishes she hadn’t bought so much useless stuff.

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First, notice What bugs You

It’s important to acknowledge what you’re not too enamored with before you go into the exercise below. Why? Because when we clearly experience and know what we do not want, we then can more vividly realize what we do want. So, she never finishes anything, or she grumps around more than you’d like. Or maybe he drinks just a little too much, or he doesn’t value healthy food like you do. Write it down. It’s great to make a mental list, but it’s all the more powerful to put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard.  It helps you get it out of your mind where you can see it all very clearly.

If it feels valuable, sit with that list for a day or two, but please don’t stay in that frame of mind for a life time! By the way, this isn’t something you need to do with your partner. I’m not suggesting you trash your mate. Take some time to do this part from your perspective only.

Now it’s time to Flip the Coin

If your mate or the person you’ve chosen to do this exercise about (can be yourself or anyone else) has a long list of not-so-hot qualities, you may be wondering where to start with actual appreciation.

Think back to when you first met or when you feel really happy with your mate. What qualities come to mind? Maybe it’s that he does the dishes, or dresses neatly. Maybe she really has fun with the kids, or loves to garden. If this is about your child, maybe he is really creative and funny. If this is about you, maybe you are sincere and have fun finding new interests. Certainly anyone has some traits worthy of appreciation.

Now it’s time to make another list, starting with those desirable traits you just brought to mind. If you only get one down, it is a start! Each day, add to your list during a time you have a few quiet moments to really feel what you are writing. You will find that as you commit to making a comprehensive list of this person’s positive attributes, it will grow and grow.

If you choose to take this one step further and focus on these appreciable traits throughout the day, not only will you have a pen and paper list to refer to in moments of frustration, your perspective will change in such a way that you will mostly experience these positives, rather than negatives.

What’s in it for Me, you say?

So you have made a list of the nasty, and the nice. Now, focus on the nice. Through continuing to add to your list on a daily basis (before bed is a really great time), you will have more and more good to focus on. Since you have acknowledged the things you find annoying or down right disastrous, you do not have to expend any more energy there. (Barring a need to just get away from this person or get help – by all means take care of yourself, here). When you choose to illuminate the positive it will either show up or the relationship will change in a way that you will no longer be affected by the negative in the same way you previously were.

This can work even in situations where you are sure you do not want to be with your mate, but you don’t want to be evil enemies either. When you realize what you would carry into another relationship it can really put into perspective how beautiful the relationship is in many aspects.

For those who are in relationship with others because they want to be – such as a marriage or with children – the power of appreciation here can literally change your life.

With dedication and perseverance, some focused time, and a willingness to see the glass as half full, the little things will melt away and you will be able to see your relationship for what it really is.  In this awareness you can confidently make decisions regarding the relationship.

Enjoy

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Pretend that inside of you there is a compass. A compassion compass. In situations where you, your child, your partner, or someone else is upset, in pain, having a hard time for one reason or another, you are instantly guided in the direction of compassion.

Compassion is defined as understanding suffering and genuinely wanting to do something about it. Most parents feel this acutely, but can sometimes move to change the suffering while wanting to do something about it.

Experiment with ways to offer compassion, while not trying to fade or fix the suffering in a way that does not show understanding for it. Seem paradoxical? No worries – you have a compassion compass that will guide you.

First, when you witness the upset, take a deep breath and connect with the compass to see what it has to tell you. (The ability to pretend works well here). What love and understanding can you offer? It may be a simple smile, a hug, a verbal confirmation of the upset you or your child feels, or some space to figure out what it going on. What can you offer to let yourself or your child know that you want to help? Can you stop doing whatever you think you need to do and simply offer your loving presence?

Compassionate communication also includes phrasing requests and other thoughts in a way that shows understanding for another and using positive language along with love to express one’s thoughts and feelings.

This is an excerpt from Tune In Exercises for Parents.

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Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What Is Natural Parenting?

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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This post begins a series about elimination communication (EC), also known as infant potty training or infant natural hygiene. Elimination communication is a practice and philosophy of teaching about eliminating in the toilet from birth (or whenever you learn about it) with the use of intuition, timing, and signals between parent and child. The practice is both revolutionary and ancient as it has been widely used in cultures outside of the United States for centuries. With EC, the often usual stress of potty training is removed and families can communicate easily about a normal body function: elimination.

The concept of infant potty training sounded interesting enough when my first was born, but it also sounded like a lot of work. At that time I was used to diapering from years of babysitting and I had lots to “undo” around the culture’s ideas about pottying. Suffice it to say, toilet training my first child was somewhat of a nightmare, and when my second child came along I was looking for alternatives.

Thankfully, I met a family who practiced EC before Martin hit the “usual” toilet training age. My friend, Christine, was very forthright with information and support so I was able to witness her experience and give EC a try in our family.

Martin was around 15 months old when we began late start EC. Honestly, the process from diapers to communication to using a toilet was so smooth I don’t recall exactly when it all came together. I clearly noticed an ease that was not present while toilet training Althea. It made the process of elimination normal, instead of something to avoid or hide.

I met some more mothers who practiced EC while pregnant with Azalea and picked up a mini crock pot to use as our first potty. The day after she was born I remember feeling like she might have to pee or poop so I held her over the potty, she pooped, and our journey began.

Now that I’m practicing EC with the second child from birth I have observed several areas where this method of teaching about elimination and the toilet has opened up areas for healing. I tend to view Life deeply and this series will be no different. Getting into the nitty gritty is what I do, for the purpose of liberation, of course.

The following “stuff” has presented while practicing EC for me to look at and resolve. In subsequent posts I will elaborate on each area to explore a bit about what can be trapped in one’s psyche around one simple subject: elimination… and how to heal it.

Body shame – I suppose we all experience it to a degree based on all of the media that tells us our bodies aren’t quite right as they are. Shame around elimination and the parts of the body that eliminate is perpetuated through the way we talk about urine and feces, as though they are the most disgusting substances on the planet. Sure they can smell, but they hold signs of how healthy the system is functioning. In truth they are simply digested drink and food matter, as well as waste products of the body – stuff it doesn’t need. Pee is actually 99.9% sterile. Talking about waste in a factual matter has helped our family reduce or eliminate the shame and disgust that culture assigns to those areas of the body.

Sexual shame – Elimination communication has forced me to look at sexual shame through being around my kids in their naked joy while learning about the toilet. The reason they’re joyful is because I haven’t assigned shame to their naked bodies. Since genitalia houses both elimination faculties and those of sexual pleasure, the body shame I spoke of above can intertwine with one’s feelings about sexuality. Talking about genitalia with correct terminology while not assigning it as “special” (i.e. off limits) allows them their own experience with their bodies, instead of something I’m handing down. They know their whole body is sacred, not just one part.

Sexual abuse – This one gets personal. As a child I had an experience with a medical doctor who forced a catheterization. It felt like rape to me because I had already experienced some sexual inappropriateness and knew that it wasn’t okay for someone to touch me there unless I gave permission. I didn’t give permission and the catheterization happened anyway as a result of me not being able to pee on command, essentially. Sounds harsh and it felt harsh although the intentions of my beloved mother were nothing like what I received from the experience. She trusted the doctor. Elimination communication put that right in my face since we often trust experts to tell us how to take care of our children instead of listening to the child… and our hearts. Through many aspects of EC I’ve been able to revisit the experience with awareness and heal both the pain in my past and the pain created in the relationship with my mom. I love you, Mom

Really listening – There are oodles of books and resources out there teaching good listening skills. Make eye contact, touch if appropriate, put your agenda aside. Elimination communication forces the issue gently because if you’re not willing to listen you’ll miss a whole bunch of opportunities to get pee or poop in the potty, communicate with your baby, and save a diaper. I have enjoyed the process of becoming a clear space of listening so I hear Grace’s signals – whether that’s through intuition, the vocalizations she is making, or a facial gesture. Listening in this way flows to all family members and reminds me that we are always communicating honestly. When we honestly listen we will truly hear.

Releasing control – You can’t make someone pee or poop! That’s glorious, too. That’s a very personal action that one must take on his or her own. Elimination communication has helped me release all control of another person’s bodily functions. Sounds really silly, but it’s so freeing.

Developing patience – Reiteration – you can’t make someone pee or poop! Add in eat, drink, or sleep.   I have not always been patient. EC has helped heal areas where I was lacking in that skill. One aspect of EC I love is sitting with Grace as she is using the pot. It’s calming to simply be with her in her humanness and not expect anything, yet allow the space for her to go if she needs to. EC has helped me slow down to meet the needs of all family members with patience.

Normalcy of elimination – This ties into body shame a bit also, but really – it’s normal. We assign all of this “stuff” to pooping, peeing, farting, etc. EC has helped our family accept elimination as a normal part of life – no less or more important than any other.

Respect and reverence of body signals. The body is an intelligent organism with signals that indicate what it needs, when. Paying attention to the needs of my children through EC has really helped me tune into the beauty of body signals. We talk often about trusting the body and what it’s signaling. So often one’s attention can be caught up in the mind or something exciting while the body is experiencing hunger, needing to pee or poop, etc. Through honoring signals with EC we spread that honor to signals in all aspects of living.

Meeting needs as they arise. Parents who don’t practice EC may not do so because they aren’t aware of the whole picture and its benefits. Instead of cleaning up a baby’s feces after elimination in a wearable toilet, EC meets the need of elimination in the moment it arises. This is an example of parenting in the present in a very concrete way.  (If your hackles are raised don’t worry, I’ll explain more later.)

Challenging cultural norms. If we want to heal the planet, we have to start with ourselves. I haven’t always been one to adhere to cultural norms, but I don’t want to outright challenge someone’s beliefs just for the sake of a challenge either. Through practicing EC I am a living example of its simplicity and freedom. In this way I can share potty solutions with others who may have no prior knowledge of EC, but will love the connection and freedom, too!

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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone’s posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!

This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We’ve arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on “What Is Natural Parenting?”

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   • “Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting” — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • “Begin at the Beginning” — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   • “Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow” — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • “Breastfeeding with Love and Respect” — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • “Why Should I Call It Extended?” — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   • “Attachment Parenting Chose Us” — For a child who is born “sensitive,” attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting “choice.” Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • “Parenting in the Present” — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • “Parenting With Heart” — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   • “Nurturing through touch” — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   • “Sometimes I Wish We Coslept” — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   • “Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?” — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she’s going to hire someone new, and this time, she’ll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • “Do You Have This?” — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • “What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family” — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   • “Unconditional Parenting” — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   • “Reducing Screen Time” — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• “Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1” — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• “Growing Out of Little Potties” — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the “weird lady” who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• “Let’s Talk Diapers” — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• “Supporting Natural Immunity” — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children’s immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• “Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting” — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter’s needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter’s learning “challenges.” (@myzerowaste)
• “Let Them Look” — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• “Why I Love Unschooling” — Unschooling isn’t just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• “Is He Already Behind?“Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• “How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning” — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child’s natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• “What ‘Healthy Eating’ Means to Me” — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• “What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food” — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• “Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting” — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn’t about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• “I’m not the most crunchy, but I’m still au naturel” — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that’s what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• “Because Natural comes Naturally” — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• “What Do You Mean ‘Natural Parenting’?” — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• “One Little Change at a Time” — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until “natural parenting” wasn’t a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• “WHY Attachment Parenting?” — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• “Yours, Respectfully” — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• “The Natural Parenting Label” — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• “When Our Children Are Grown” — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• “What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?” — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• “Attachment Parenting and Our Family” — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• “I’m a Mama…Naturally” — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn’t intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• “A Private Matter” — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• “Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact” — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• “Relying on Kindness” — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)

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Cameras have come a long way since the parents of today were children. The new digital cameras snap shots with ease and instantly show the image on a tiny screen so you can retake, enjoy, and take some more! What happens if you don’t have your camera though? Surely there’s a time you’ve forgotten it…

Bring out the Whole Body Camera – one that you always have with you.

As a parent one of your greatest tools in the plethora you may have in your tool box is certainly the Whole Body Camera. And you’re using it already so it’s worth using in a way that actually serves you and your child.

You might have noticed that you can recall the moments your child does not act the way you would prefer – all too well. You probably even remember the feeling that accompanies the not so desirable situation. Is it as easy to recall the moments where they are playing happily, sharing, feeling confident, respecting themselves and others and cooperating?

Start by setting the intention to bring your awareness to the times your child is simply playing quietly, happy with him or herself, doing what pleases him and you, cooperating, and sharing. Depending on your child’s age you may have additional ideas to insert here. Start taking notice when this happens. Then stop what you are doing and take a picture, but don’t take just a mental/visual picture.

This picture is a bit more elaborate than the standard photo a digital camera would take. Choose to soak up every detail of your child’s in-the-moment well being. How does she look? What is she wearing? How does she hold her body when she feels that way? How do you feel as you watch him? What things does he say or do? Any particular scent in the air? What do you hear – giggles or silence? Hold onto the feeling you have as you observe your child. Take it in with all of your senses – the Whole Body Camera.

Practice this exercise and access it when times don’t feel so peaceful and happy. When you choose to recall experiences that feel better you will be able to influence the not so much fun situation with more calm and ease – which helps your child do the same!

This is an excerpt from Tune In Exercises for Parents.

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In this series I will highlight some really simple ways you can honor your child and yourself. When these facets of life are honored a good portion of “problems” will not ever make it to “problem” status.

Simple Way to Honor Yourself and Your Child #10

Trust.  Or commit to developing trust. When parents choose to consider the idea and feeling of trust rather than fearing what might happen, a portal opens.  It’s as if the offerer of unlimited possibilities comes out of the woodwork in wait for you to simply trust that an answer is available.

Possibly it’s an answer of how to handle a disagreement between yourself and your co-parent.  Maybe it’s an answer to a consistent lack of sleep or a short fuse with a child.  Trusting that the answer exists means it has a way to be received by you.  When we feel like we cannot believe in an answer we cannot see or grasp anything outside of our current thought or feeling.

In a broader sense, trust is looking at things in a different light.  Instead of believing that people are not trustworthy one can trust that people will be people.  Certain people may have certain habits or patterns but anyone can change and children certainly will change as they grow.

Trust also allows for a brighter light to shine.  Trust that you are just who you need to be right now (and the same goes for your child and partner), trust that what is happening in the world has great potential to give way for a more pleasant experience for all – starting with one’s inner experience.

How can you trust in yourself, your child, humanity, and the Universe?  Start with what you already trust and stretch a bit to widen your circle of trust.

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In this series I highlight some really simple ways you can honor your child and yourself. When these facets of life are honored a good portion of “problems” will not ever make it to “problem” status.

Apologize. Forgive. Love. The process of responsibility can feel and look many ways.  Some people feel like they say they’re sorry for everything and guilt still hangs with them.  Others feel like saying sorry comes across as fake unless someone tries to make up for what went “wrong.”  Regardless of where you stand you can look at the process in a new light at any time.

Parents and children alike can only do their best in any given moment.  If it could be any different, it would.  The process of responsibility exists for the purpose of growth and expansion within an individual and a relationship.

The first step is to acknowledge that you are sorry.  Start with saying it to yourself and your Source of Life (internally or out loud).  Then to your child or partner or other involved (if applicable).

The next step is a quick move to forgiveness to release the hold the bad feeling has on you and the other.  Anyone who says I’m sorry wants and deserves forgiveness, instantly. That includes you forgiving you.  Say it out loud and feel what forgiveness feels like: Freedom.

Next step, Love.  If the situation can be remedied, then make amends.  If it’s a matter of talking roughly to yourself or your child simply take a breath and adjust your tone.  You only have the moment you’re in and a promise to change later puts relief in a distant place not accessible right now.

Practice the process of responsibility with yourself and your children and watch tension and conflict melt away.

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