Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What Is Natural Parenting?
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!
Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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This post begins a series about elimination communication (EC), also known as infant potty training or infant natural hygiene. Elimination communication is a practice and philosophy of teaching about eliminating in the toilet from birth (or whenever you learn about it) with the use of intuition, timing, and signals between parent and child. The practice is both revolutionary and ancient as it has been widely used in cultures outside of the United States for centuries. With EC, the often usual stress of potty training is removed and families can communicate easily about a normal body function: elimination.
The concept of infant potty training sounded interesting enough when my first was born, but it also sounded like a lot of work. At that time I was used to diapering from years of babysitting and I had lots to “undo” around the culture’s ideas about pottying. Suffice it to say, toilet training my first child was somewhat of a nightmare, and when my second child came along I was looking for alternatives.
Thankfully, I met a family who practiced EC before Martin hit the “usual” toilet training age. My friend, Christine, was very forthright with information and support so I was able to witness her experience and give EC a try in our family.
Martin was around 15 months old when we began late start EC. Honestly, the process from diapers to communication to using a toilet was so smooth I don’t recall exactly when it all came together. I clearly noticed an ease that was not present while toilet training Althea. It made the process of elimination normal, instead of something to avoid or hide.
I met some more mothers who practiced EC while pregnant with Azalea and picked up a mini crock pot to use as our first potty. The day after she was born I remember feeling like she might have to pee or poop so I held her over the potty, she pooped, and our journey began.
Now that I’m practicing EC with the second child from birth I have observed several areas where this method of teaching about elimination and the toilet has opened up areas for healing. I tend to view Life deeply and this series will be no different. Getting into the nitty gritty is what I do, for the purpose of liberation, of course.
The following “stuff” has presented while practicing EC for me to look at and resolve. In subsequent posts I will elaborate on each area to explore a bit about what can be trapped in one’s psyche around one simple subject: elimination… and how to heal it.
Body shame – I suppose we all experience it to a degree based on all of the media that tells us our bodies aren’t quite right as they are. Shame around elimination and the parts of the body that eliminate is perpetuated through the way we talk about urine and feces, as though they are the most disgusting substances on the planet. Sure they can smell, but they hold signs of how healthy the system is functioning. In truth they are simply digested drink and food matter, as well as waste products of the body – stuff it doesn’t need. Pee is actually 99.9% sterile. Talking about waste in a factual matter has helped our family reduce or eliminate the shame and disgust that culture assigns to those areas of the body.
Sexual shame – Elimination communication has forced me to look at sexual shame through being around my kids in their naked joy while learning about the toilet. The reason they’re joyful is because I haven’t assigned shame to their naked bodies. Since genitalia houses both elimination faculties and those of sexual pleasure, the body shame I spoke of above can intertwine with one’s feelings about sexuality. Talking about genitalia with correct terminology while not assigning it as “special” (i.e. off limits) allows them their own experience with their bodies, instead of something I’m handing down. They know their whole body is sacred, not just one part.
Sexual abuse – This one gets personal. As a child I had an experience with a medical doctor who forced a catheterization. It felt like rape to me because I had already experienced some sexual inappropriateness and knew that it wasn’t okay for someone to touch me there unless I gave permission. I didn’t give permission and the catheterization happened anyway as a result of me not being able to pee on command, essentially. Sounds harsh and it felt harsh although the intentions of my beloved mother were nothing like what I received from the experience. She trusted the doctor. Elimination communication put that right in my face since we often trust experts to tell us how to take care of our children instead of listening to the child… and our hearts. Through many aspects of EC I’ve been able to revisit the experience with awareness and heal both the pain in my past and the pain created in the relationship with my mom. I love you, Mom 
Really listening – There are oodles of books and resources out there teaching good listening skills. Make eye contact, touch if appropriate, put your agenda aside. Elimination communication forces the issue gently because if you’re not willing to listen you’ll miss a whole bunch of opportunities to get pee or poop in the potty, communicate with your baby, and save a diaper. I have enjoyed the process of becoming a clear space of listening so I hear Grace’s signals – whether that’s through intuition, the vocalizations she is making, or a facial gesture. Listening in this way flows to all family members and reminds me that we are always communicating honestly. When we honestly listen we will truly hear.
Releasing control – You can’t make someone pee or poop! That’s glorious, too. That’s a very personal action that one must take on his or her own. Elimination communication has helped me release all control of another person’s bodily functions. Sounds really silly, but it’s so freeing.
Developing patience – Reiteration – you can’t make someone pee or poop! Add in eat, drink, or sleep. I have not always been patient. EC has helped heal areas where I was lacking in that skill. One aspect of EC I love is sitting with Grace as she is using the pot. It’s calming to simply be with her in her humanness and not expect anything, yet allow the space for her to go if she needs to. EC has helped me slow down to meet the needs of all family members with patience.
Normalcy of elimination – This ties into body shame a bit also, but really – it’s normal. We assign all of this “stuff” to pooping, peeing, farting, etc. EC has helped our family accept elimination as a normal part of life – no less or more important than any other.
Respect and reverence of body signals. The body is an intelligent organism with signals that indicate what it needs, when. Paying attention to the needs of my children through EC has really helped me tune into the beauty of body signals. We talk often about trusting the body and what it’s signaling. So often one’s attention can be caught up in the mind or something exciting while the body is experiencing hunger, needing to pee or poop, etc. Through honoring signals with EC we spread that honor to signals in all aspects of living.
Meeting needs as they arise. Parents who don’t practice EC may not do so because they aren’t aware of the whole picture and its benefits. Instead of cleaning up a baby’s feces after elimination in a wearable toilet, EC meets the need of elimination in the moment it arises. This is an example of parenting in the present in a very concrete way. (If your hackles are raised don’t worry, I’ll explain more later.)
Challenging cultural norms. If we want to heal the planet, we have to start with ourselves. I haven’t always been one to adhere to cultural norms, but I don’t want to outright challenge someone’s beliefs just for the sake of a challenge either. Through practicing EC I am a living example of its simplicity and freedom. In this way I can share potty solutions with others who may have no prior knowledge of EC, but will love the connection and freedom, too!
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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone’s posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!
This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We’ve arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on “What Is Natural Parenting?”
Attachment/Responsive Parenting
Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):
- PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
- FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
- RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
- “Attachment Parenting Chose Us” — For a child who is born “sensitive,” attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting “choice.” Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
- “Parenting in the Present” — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
- “Parenting With Heart” — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
- USE NURTURING TOUCH:
- ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
- “Sometimes I Wish We Coslept” — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
- PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
- PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
- “Unconditional Parenting” — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
- STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
- “Supporting Natural Immunity” — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children’s immune systems naturally.
- “Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting” — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter’s needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter’s learning “challenges.” (@myzerowaste)
- “Let Them Look” — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
- “Why I Love Unschooling” — Unschooling isn’t just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
- “Is He Already Behind?“Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
- “How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning” — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child’s natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)
- “Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting” — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn’t about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
- “I’m not the most crunchy, but I’m still au naturel” — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that’s what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
- “Because Natural comes Naturally” — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
- “What Do You Mean ‘Natural Parenting’?” — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
- “One Little Change at a Time” — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until “natural parenting” wasn’t a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
- “WHY Attachment Parenting?” — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
- “Yours, Respectfully” — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
- “The Natural Parenting Label” — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
- “When Our Children Are Grown” — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
- “What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?” — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
- “Attachment Parenting and Our Family” — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
- “I’m a Mama…Naturally” — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn’t intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.
A little over a year ago, our family moved to a rural area centrally located in the Bible belt. Many of the acquaintances I have made consider themselves traditional Christians. Now, I am sure each person’s definition is a bit different and at the same time many of the Christians I have gotten to know do participate in some practices that are often categorized as traditional. This has been an insightful mixture of blessons (blessing + lesson = blesson).