Pretend that inside of you there is a compass. A compassion compass. In situations where you, your child, your partner, or someone else is upset, in pain, having a hard time for one reason or another, you are instantly guided in the direction of compassion.
Compassion is defined as understanding suffering and genuinely wanting to do something about it. Most parents feel this acutely, but can sometimes move to change the suffering while wanting to do something about it.
Experiment with ways to offer compassion, while not trying to fade or fix the suffering in a way that does not show understanding for it. Seem paradoxical? No worries – you have a compassion compass that will guide you.
First, when you witness the upset, take a deep breath and connect with the compass to see what it has to tell you. (The ability to pretend works well here). What love and understanding can you offer? It may be a simple smile, a hug, a verbal confirmation of the upset you or your child feels, or some space to figure out what it going on. What can you offer to let yourself or your child know that you want to help? Can you stop doing whatever you think you need to do and simply offer your loving presence?
Compassionate communication also includes phrasing requests and other thoughts in a way that shows understanding for another and using positive language along with love to express one’s thoughts and feelings.
This is an excerpt from Tune In Exercises for Parents.
Cameras have come a long way since the parents of today were children. The new digital cameras snap shots with ease and instantly show the image on a tiny screen so you can retake, enjoy, and take some more! What happens if you don’t have your camera though? Surely there’s a time you’ve forgotten it…
Bring out the Whole Body Camera – one that you always have with you.
As a parent one of your greatest tools in the plethora you may have in your tool box is certainly the Whole Body Camera. And you’re using it already so it’s worth using in a way that actually serves you and your child.
You might have noticed that you can recall the moments your child does not act the way you would prefer – all too well. You probably even remember the feeling that accompanies the not so desirable situation. Is it as easy to recall the moments where they are playing happily, sharing, feeling confident, respecting themselves and others and cooperating?
Start by setting the intention to bring your awareness to the times your child is simply playing quietly, happy with him or herself, doing what pleases him and you, cooperating, and sharing. Depending on your child’s age you may have additional ideas to insert here. Start taking notice when this happens. Then stop what you are doing and take a picture, but don’t take just a mental/visual picture.
This picture is a bit more elaborate than the standard photo a digital camera would take. Choose to soak up every detail of your child’s in-the-moment well being. How does she look? What is she wearing? How does she hold her body when she feels that way? How do you feel as you watch him? What things does he say or do? Any particular scent in the air? What do you hear – giggles or silence? Hold onto the feeling you have as you observe your child. Take it in with all of your senses – the Whole Body Camera.
Practice this exercise and access it when times don’t feel so peaceful and happy. When you choose to recall experiences that feel better you will be able to influence the not so much fun situation with more calm and ease – which helps your child do the same!
This is an excerpt from Tune In Exercises for Parents.
In this series I highlight some really simple ways you can honor your child and yourself. When these facets of life are honored a good portion of “problems” will not ever make it to “problem” status.
Simple Way to Honor Your Child and Yourself #2
Follow and embrace life’s natural rhythm – expansion, contraction, stillness… expansion, contraction, stillness...
You can easily get in touch with this rhythm through bringing attention to your breath. As you inhale your lungs expand, as you exhale your lungs contract, and right in between before you inhale again is an ever present space of stillness from which everything manifests.
What does this have to do with honoring yourself and your child?
When you choose to embrace life’s rhythm you bring your child and yourself into harmony with the deepest part of you, your child, and the world.
You might start by observing the activities of your family to see what rhythm is present. It is there and does not need to be re-created, but rather nourished so it fits in line with your overall focus.
Expanding activities bring about growth, exploration, or vigor and excitement in you and your child while contracting activities bring about introspection, quiet contemplation, or a sense of relaxation. The stillness represents a rest period or peaceful transition to another activity to continue the rhythm.
How are you already honoring yourself and your child through life’s natural rhythm and how can you nourish what already exists to enhance your lives?
